


First Times

by ChrissyStriped



Series: Counting Stars [15]
Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe, Aman (Tolkien), Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Developing Relationship, Fourth Age, Hand Jobs, Kissing, Light Bondage, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-04-07 21:46:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19093756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChrissyStriped/pseuds/ChrissyStriped
Summary: Sinthoras just said it in jest, but Galathil thinks it might be the thing to make him feel save enough to try sex again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First chapter is mostly talking but it gets steamier in the second one, promise ;-).

Galathil had been nervous since they had entered the room, Sinthoras saw it in the way he moved and glanced repeatedly at him. They had spent the afternoon with Silwen and Lantelen and had taken a hotel room for the night. Sinthoras was plaiting his hair to get ready for bed. Maybe that was it.

The bed was so wide that they could both lie in it without touching each other, but when Sinthoras visited Galathil he almost always slept on the couch. It had to be a very good day for Galathil to tolerate him in his bed and even then he sometimes had to change rooms in the middle of the night when Galathil woke and needed him gone. He accepted that. It was his fault, too, that Galathil was the way he was and he had learned that pressure only made Galathil shrink away further.

He had promised himself that he would do everything Galathil needed, if he allowed him back into his life, although it was hard sometimes. “They think we have sex, don’t they?” Sinthoras turned around in surprise. “Silwen and Lantelen?” “Yes. No. Everyone, I mean.” Galathil’s stared at the blanket – only one, but he could do without and leave Galathil all of it.

“I’m sorry, Galathil. I didn’t think when I booked the room. The twin bed, and the single blanket... I should have booked a room with two separate beds. I’ll sleep on the floor.” Galathil shook his head. “That’s not it... Yes, I’d be more comfortable with two beds, but...” He gave him an apologetic look. “It’s more... I just feel uneasy knowing that everyone thinks we are... intimate. These... expectations of how a couple has to be.”

“Because it could raise my expectations?”, Sinthoras surmised. Galathil nodded silently. “Galathil... sweetheart, it doesn’t. I don’t care what other people think about you and me. We are a couple, not having sex doesn’t mean we aren’t. And it’s nobody else’s business, not some stranger’s and not even Silwen’s. I want to be with you and in the way you feel comfortable with.” Galathil nodded and came to him to lean against him. Sinthoras laid his arms around him, that was permitted if Galathil initiated it.

“But you wouldn’t say no.” “To sex?” Sinthoras shrugged. “I would. I would say no unless I’d be completely sure you want it for yourself and wouldn’t just endure it for me.” Galathil looked up and there was so much _love_ in his eyes that Sinthoras’ had to gulp down tears. “I’m sorry”, Galathil murmured and gave him a chaste kiss with closed lips. “I just get worked up about stupid things and then I need to hear these things from you.”

“I know and you don’t have to be sorry for it. Let’s go to sleep.” Galathil nodded. “You don’t have to sleep on the floor.” “Are you sure?” Galathil nodded again and Sinthoras smiled. “You could always tie me up, so I can’t touch you in our sleep”, he joked. Galathil blushed. “That won’t be necessary”, he murmured embarrassed.

 

Galathil’s body tensed when he noticed that he wasn’t alone in the bed, his heart started to race. But then he remembered, where he was and that it was Sinthoras who lay beside him. He opened his eyes, Sinthoras was already awake. He seemed always to wake before him, sometimes Galathil wondered if he even slept at all.

The Maia watched him closely, Galathil knew that he would put distance between them, if he asked him to – or even if his body language made it look like he wanted him to – but now that he was completely awake, it didn’t bother him that they shared a bed. “Good morning”, Galathil gave him a lingering kiss. “Morning.” Sinthoras smiled at him. “Did you sleep well?”

Galathil nodded. It had taken him a while to fall asleep with Sinthoras so close beside him. Not, that he thought the Maia would try to touch him, he trusted him, but... Galathil’s body sometimes wanted things which his mind knew he wouldn’t be able to follow through with. Yes, sometimes he imagined how it would be to be kissed in a different way. How it would be to have sex with Sinthoras. But he knew that he couldn’t.

He’d panic in the middle of it and Sinthoras would be nice enough to stop, but he didn’t want to raise his hopes. It wouldn’t be fair, he already was so considerate of him. Sometimes Galathil wondered if it wouldn’t be better if Sinthoras weren’t that thoughtful. On the other hand... no, Galathil knew he wouldn’t be able to stand it, if Sinthoras tried to have sex with him. He licked his lips when he remembered Sinthoras’ words from yesterday. ‘You could tie me up.’ He knew that he had made a joke, but...

“Sinthoras?” “Hm?” There was curiosity in his eyes, he probably had noticed with his special senses that Galathil was up to something. “What you said yesterday...” Galathil stopped, he knew he was blushing hard. Sinthoras cocked his head. “That I’d sleep on the floor?” “No, the... the other thing”, Galathil mumbled. “That you’d let me tie you up.”

Sinthoras nodded silently, as if he knew that every additional word would make Galathil close up. “You know why I don’t want to have sex. How helpless I feel, when someone touches me like that. But what you said yesterday... I was thinking... if I could make sure that you _can’t_ touch me, maybe...”

“Galathil?” Sinthoras slowly reached out, so he could stop him if he wanted, and touched his cheek. “I said, too, that I only want sex with you, if you want it, too. You don’t have to force yourself.” Galathil nodded. “I know. I won’t do it for you.” He shook his head. “That came out wrong. I mean, I _want_ to have sex with you – you are the only one I can even contemplate having sex with – but it isn’t so easy. I suppose, what I want to know is: Do you give me your consent to tie you up and... will you allow me to... uhm, take you?”

Sinthoras’ face was lit by a smile. Galathil had feared he could be affronted, somehow he had always thought that Sinthoras would take _him_ if it ever came to it. “It would be my pleasure”, his friend said. “You know... I’d have offered this much sooner, but you don’t like to talk about sex. I thought, you might run away again. I promised you to do this at your pace. And if you want to do this, I’ll get us rope.”

Galathil gave him an embarrassed smile. “But I don’t really know how...” “But I do.” Sinthoras winked at him. “I’ll teach you some knots and I’ll be very, very cooperative, so don’t worry.” “Thank you.” Galathil gave him another kiss, one of the other kind, with open mouth and tongues touching. Sinthoras’ pleased hum vibrated against his lips and for this time Galathil didn’t shy back from his body’s reaction. ‘Soon’, he told himself. Soon he’d find out if he’d healed enough.


	2. Chapter 2

Sinthoras sat on the bed, naked to the waist, his arms crossed on his back. Galathil sat behind him, wrapping the rope around his chest in concentrated silence. They had practiced it a few times and Sinthoras stayed silent while he was being tied up, he’d only say something if he caught him making a mistake.

Galathil’s fingers were cool on his skin, he felt him tremble, today they would go further – if Galathil wanted to. Sinthoras wasn’t sure about that, he had told him again, before, that he hadn’t to force himself to do something he didn’t really want. Still, the oil stood on the nightstand and if Galathil wanted... Sinthoras’s cock strained against his trousers. Oh, he hoped Galathil would get him out of his last piece of clothing soon.

“Is it okay like this?” Galathil tightened the last knot and crawled around him. Sinthoras flexed his muscles, tugging at his bonds, the rope rubbing against his skin. “Yes.” Sinthoras smiled at him and leaned back into the cushion when Galathil pushed against his chest. For a moment he let his hand rest over his heart, then he slid it to one of his nipples and Sinthoras made a pleased sound. Eru... how much he had wished for this – had barely dared to think of it. He forced himself to lie still, he didn’t want to frighten Galathil off.

The elf kissed up his neck, slowly exploring and looked deeply into his eyes, his fingers still played with his nipples. “You like this?” Sinthoras nodded, humming a Yes. Galathil beamed at him. “Me, too.” “That makes me glad.” Sinthoras gasped when Galathil’s hand caressed his cock through the fabric of his trousers. There was a mischievous glint in Galathil’s eyes he had rarely seen before. “Really? Do you want me to take a closer look at this?” “Please”, Sinthoras whispered. Galathil was so different all of a sudden, this quiet nervousness, he almost always felt from him when they kissed or touched each other, was gone.

 

Galathil opened Sinthoras’s trousers and reached inside. For a moment he just held his cock, not taking it out, just touching, feeling his hardness. It was strange to be able to touch him this way and take his time. An aroused cock had always been something threatening to him. When he had been a slave, it had meant being forced to his knees and fucked – and it had hurt so much, often. Sinthoras, he had to admit, had always been gentle when he obeyed, but still... He wasn’t Mablung, he had never wanted this.

And later, when he had been a free man again... He had tried to be normal, but he had always felt pushed by the men he had been with. They hadn’t given him the time he would have needed. They hadn’t understood him. Sinthoras... he of all people understood him. And because he was bound, Galathil could take his time, as much as he wanted, and Sinthoras could do nothing about it, even if he wanted. He didn’t feel pressured to do anything now.

His Maia moaned longingly when he pulled his arousal out and caressed the hot, velvety skin. He wasn’t as big as he remembered him. Galathil smiled, better not to tell him that, but for him it was a relief, in his memory he had been so huge. He traced the prominent veins with a finger and felt the pulsing of the blood under the skin. Sinthoras made a whimpering sound when he slid the foreskin back, the head dark and wet.

Galathil licked his lips. He knew how he would taste, salty and... like sex. Galathil bowed down and licked the head quickly, experimentally. He wouldn’t take him far into his mouth. This feeling to not be able to breathe... Galathil pushed the thought away. But this... the way Sinthoras’s muscles had tensed at his lick and the little sounds he had made... he liked that. And he liked the strange hard-soft texture. He licked it again, before gently closing his lips around the head.

He swirled his tongue around the groove that ran around it, pushed the tip of his tongue into the slit – allowed himself to explore and to listen to Sinthoras’s reactions. The way his breath itched when he moved his tongue in a certain way, his moans... yes, this was nice. “Galathil!” Sinthoras’s breath was rugged. “If you don’t stop... I’m close.” Galathil's heartbeat sped up, he let him slip from his mouth, grateful for his warning, he didn’t want him to come into his mouth, but he continued to stroke him.

Only now did he become aware of how little Sinthoras was moving. His arms were tied, but he could have thrust into his mouth – he was holding back for him. “I love you”, he whispered and tightened his grip a little. “You are so good for me.” Sinthoras came with a loud moan. Galathil blinked at his wet hand for a moment before wiping it on the blanket.

“I love you, too”, Sinthoras answered a little breathlessly and smiled at him with half closed eyes. “You could have made me lick you clean.” Galathil shook his head fiercely. “I don’t do something like that.” Galathil decided that he felt secure enough now to undress, too. Sinthoras wouldn’t see him naked for the first time (not nearly, but Galathil liked to separate things like this from their first... relationship), but it was the first time that he was aroused.

He head felt his cock react the moment he had started to tie Sinthoras’s arms on his back. It felt so good to take control and he would have never thought that the Maia would give him this. Galathil didn’t make the mistake to think that his friend was helpless – he was a Maia, he was never helpless – but that he allowed him to make the decisions for them meant so incredibly much to him.

And that was why he had been able to make him come without panicking and why he didn’t feel helpless now that he was naked and so obviously aroused. He shivered at the thought that he could do whatever he wanted. “And you really allow me to fuck you?” That had been the most surprising thing for him. Sinthoras was a Maia, after all, why would he put up with this from an elf.

Sinthoras had frowned, when he had said that the first time, gently taking his hand between his own _. “It isn’t a sacrifice, Galathil, I’ll like it. And sex has nothing to do with hierarchy – even if I’d think myself above you, which I don’t – but I’m not really surprised that you think that way.”_

“I don’t ‘allow’ it, sweetheart, I _long_ for it – if you want”, he said now. “Oh, I want.” Galathil rubbed his hard cock against Sinthoras’s thigh and gave him a long, passionate kiss. “How do you want me?”, Sinthoras asked with husky voice. A quick glance told Galathil that he was well on the way to get hard again. Galathil enjoyed how his muscles trembled when he caressed his belly.

“I want to be able to look at your face”, he said and knelt between Sinthoras’s legs. “You can rest your legs on my shoulders.” He realised that he sounded like he was ordering him and added: “Please.” He liked to have control of this, but he didn’t want to _order._ Sinthoras tried to suppress a grin and failed. “It’s fine, sweetheart, you can tell me what to do.”

Galathil blushed. “Okay. How long has it been?”, Galathil asked while pulling the stopper from the flask. His eyes didn’t leave Sinthoras’s. “I haven’t been with anyone since you made me the gift of allowing me in your life again.” Galathil had never wondered if Sinthoras searched somewhere else for the pleasure he didn’t get from him, but that he hadn’t... that he was faithful, felt so good.

“Thank you”, he whispered and kissed him again as he started to rub Sinthoras’s entrance with an oily finger. He had never done this before, but he had been on the other side often enough to know that he would take his time. As long as it would take to be sure that he wouldn’t hurt Sinthoras. Sinthoras moaned when he slid in the first finger and pushed against him. He was warm and so tight. If he hadn’t known better, Galathil wouldn’t have believed that his cock would fit in there.

He added a second finger and searched for the spot he knew was there. Sinthoras gasped when he found it, his head thrown back, and Galathil bowed over him to lick his exposed neck and kiss him. “You are so beautiful”, he breathed between kisses. “So gorgeous.” Sinthoras moaned into his mouth when he rubbed the spot again. Galathil realised that it was easier now to move his fingers and that a third one fit easily – and that was a good thing, his arousal was throbbing.

Galathil wrapped his free hand around himself to give himself a little relief. Valar, it felt so good to do this. “More”, Sinthoras moaned, he was hard again, too. “Galathil, please... need you...” ‘You are so beautiful’, Galathil thought again as he took in the sight before him. The red hair fanned out around his head, lips red and swollen from kissing, skin flushed and gleaming with sweat.

For a moment he wondered what Sinthoras would say if he told him now that they had to stop. Surely he would be appalled, but Galathil was sure that he wouldn’t try to talk him into something he didn’t want – and he loved him for it. Fortunately for them both he didn’t want to stop. He pulled his fingers out and coated his cock with oil before positioning himself.

“Tell me if it hurts, yes?”, he asked. He didn’t want Sinthoras to feel like he had so often afterwards, but his beloved only gave a sobbing laugh. “You won’t hurt me, Galathil. Take me, please! You are driving me mad.” Galathil kissed the tears from the corners of his eyes. Maybe they would have worried him, but he was sure that he wasn’t crying with fear.

Galathil groaned when he slowly pushed inside. Valar! It wasn’t surprising that everyone wanted to do this. Sinthoras’s muscles enveloped him hot and tight and... what a glorious feeling. He had wanted to go slow, but his body took control now, his thrusts quick and deep. He’d have liked to last longer, but the pleasure was so intense that he came after a few thrusts. His muscles jerked, a lightning bolt shot up his spine.

He slumped on Sinthoras, trembling and gasping for air, unable to move. “Sounds like you had a fantastic time”, he heard Sinthoras’s voice rumble under his ear, amusement in his voice. “But please don’t fall asleep just now.” Galathil giggled self-consciously, collected himself and slid off his beloved.

Sinthoras was still hard and so he wrapped his hand around his cock again, stroking him until he came a second time. “Do you want me to untie you now?”, he asked, noticing weariness closing in. He didn’t want to fall asleep and leave Sinthoras bound all night. “That would be nice.” Sinthoras sounded a little sleepy himself, but he wiggled around so Galathil could reach the knots.

 

Sinthoras rubbed his wrists, there were red lines on his chest, where the rope had dug into his skin. Galathil traced the marks. “I’m sorry.” Sinthoras shook his head. “It doesn’t hurt, it will soon go away.” The rope made a thumping sound when Galathil let it fall to the floor beside the bed. It hadn’t escaped Sinthoras that he had rolled it up neatly.

“Did you like it at least a little?”, Galathil asked shyly and Sinthoras laughed before checking himself and kissing Galathil’s nose. “Sorry, I’m not laughing at you. ‘A little?’ You might have noticed that I came twice. It was great, Galathil, and if you had as much fun with this as I think, I vote for repeating this soon.” Sinthoras’s heart sang when Galathil gave him a radiant smile. “Very soon”, the elf confirmed and snuggled into him. “Would you hold me... love?”

Sinthoras embraced him and kissed his hair, tears in his eyes. “Always”, he whispered, his voice husky with emotion. “Always and as long as you want, sweetheart.” Galathil made a contented sound and soon slid into sleep. For the first time since Angband, Sinthoras held him in his arms while he slept.

He didn’t know what the next morning would bring – and he prayed that it wouldn’t be a panicked Galathil – but he knew that they had made a big step forward today. It wasn’t only the sex, or the embrace, Galathil had never called him ‘love’ before. He was happy, happy for himself and for Galathil, who’s sleepy music felt so very content. Maybe the elf’s scars would never heal completely, but today it felt like they could, given time. And Sinthoras would give him all the time he needed.


End file.
